It’s been a rough month with all the testing related to my upcoming surgery, however, I’m not focusing on that today. I’m getting ready for my trip to Alaska next week (cruising). I’m getting extra excited.. I’m packing my bags, getting my passport (we go through Canada).
This is me before….
This is my page for March 2013… I’m doing a Journey Journal and this month was my birthday month. For the most part it was a good month.. I did feel quite lucky and I still do.
Update: This is me after… getting ready… for …. well you can read all about it.
Anticipation is always frightening and unexpected for me. I looked forward to lots of things for my birthday month. 6 months earlier, I had started a scrapbooking social site to bring like minded people together. You may ask why… and here was my reasoning. It’s like “choices”. I belong to many groups but I only participate in some things on each of the groups. I also love my sista’s of color and it seems there isn’t a lot of sites out there that actually embrace our unique color spectrum. There is one, I was apart of it.. it’s going strong but again, I wanted to do something “different”. So I started one.. went into debt keeping the site paid for and ultimately the site will close on May 1st. No more to be said of it… One dream… flushed you might say … but wait… not so fast… I had another idea and a great mentor so there are new things on the horizon..
I felt so good about that and with my birthday coming I thought, it’s gonna be a great month. Yet if you have heard of Murphy’s Law, well it went into effect for me… (what ever can go wrong will go wrong)… I came down with a virus.. that kept me bed for a few days. No crafting for me.. lots of things in my head but couldn’t do any of them.
Then, the unthinkable and unimaginable thing happened… this thing was so devastating to me.. I actually was scared. I woke up with a pain in my neck and shoulder and I couldn’t move my right arm. Not even a little bit. I went to the emergency room who just felt I slept wrong or could have a pinched nerve in my neck … (causing the radiation of pain down to the fingers). After an MRI, that was ruled out.
I was then referred to an orthopedic doc, who only works on necks and he determined, I didn’t have a pinched nerve in my neck and no issue with my neck at all, it was my shoulder.. so he referred me to another MRI of the shoulder with an arthrogram (this is uncomfortable). The results … well let’s just say… I was even more scared.. It seemed that my shoulder is broken, the humeral head is “dead”. A cellular death. The cartilage that should be holding around the ball and joint has fragmented and is floating around in the area causing all sorts of pain… and … OMG there is a lesion on my arm bone… a lesion… who get’s lesions on their arm bone.. why.. I began the endless questions of myself and to the doc who said… I will need to have a more definitive diagnosis and that can not be made without a body scan… A body scan…. a PET scan.. hmmm,, and we will have to schedule that before me make a “definite’ diagnosis and referral to an oncologist.
Hmmm, oncology means cancer… cancer somewhere, that has spread to my bone…?????? My world has been spinning out of control just going through the earliest news .. now this… i’m out in the cold dead space of nothingness… How do you talk about this and tell my family??
So … I drove home .. well attempted to drive home but I didn’t… I went to the movies.. a distraction of course.
The family was waiting for news and I shared what I had… I got so many positive responses from my children and friends I actually didn’t cry too much that night. I of course went to the scan… early in the morning… and once it was over… I tried to spy anything that was “obvious”… on the scan.. the tech.. held my hand for a moment and said.. nothing jumps out… but the doc will get the report to your doc asap. So….. waiting again… The scan.. was clear… no other lesions.. no cancer.. was all I heard when I got the news… didn’t even hear about the Ortho doc who will be seeing me for the issue… Well fast forward… I met him and we have come up with a plan …
Did I mention that I’m going to Alaska next month.. May 16 – 26.. I will be gone… I’m excited but will be on so many drugs to dull the pain in my shoulder … I am gonna try to enjoy it…. because my shoulder will be replaced… that’s right… big stainless steel ball and joint … assembly in my right shoulder on May 29th…
So because this is my journey journal… and the layout was taken and made before the end of the month.. I will be making another one to add to this month’s journey…
I’m thankful that there isn’t an oncologist in my life … I’m thankful to have made it to 6 decades+3 (this is how my grand-daughter ages me)… and I’m thankful my family and dear friends.
God bless all…
The challenges one faces on the daily can be over-whelming. For me, learning to live again has been daunting. Loss had consumed me, chewed me up and well you get the gist. This month my journal page is about rejoining life. The dreams are stepping stones into reality. Overcoming adversity isn’t easy but it is doable.